Canadian World Domination

Envisioning Utopia!  (Satire, Canadian and American humo[u]r, etc. A bit dated actually; not sure when they last tended to this site, sadly.)

And visions of CWD past: Your Dear Leaders revealed!  (“Revealed” is right! They put the “domination” in “Canadian World Domination”!!)

Interestingly, they are Monarchists and pro-Duality, i.e., they believe in Canada as “English” and “French” (at least).  Maybe they’re really American NHL fans!!!  In any case, give ‘em the Order of Canada!  Then Canada can start giving “orders” to the rest of us, LOL!

Actually I thought they’d already conquered Martinique (see last two entries), but it turns out the “General” is an adjective that goes with “Counseil” [sic],  not with “Claire” and “Jenny.”  Too bad…!  But the Turks and Caicos Islands in the Caribbean may want “in”… and might already be if Canada weren’t so PC (meaning in this case Politically Correct, not Progressive Conservative!).

‘If you heart your freedom thank The Queen’*

The basic thrust of this short piece in a UK paper by an eminent UK professor.  (Accompanied by tons of robust criticism by anonymous posters, in the spirit of free speech/press Her Majesty has promised to defend to her last breath!)

For my tastes the author is a bit cavalier (no pun intended) about Northern Ireland, but after 830 years they did finally broker/reach a peace agreement and power sharing, one which holds on despite continuing bumps in the road.  Those American Indians who are left are still waiting for theirs….

(*–Or in Americans’ case, her ancestor George III!)

Funny Canada

About a zillion Canadian jokes here.  Not all keeping with the Canadian stereotype of PC or sensitivity or apologeticness!

One of my faves, in the style of Jeff Foxworthy’s Redneck jokes (which got him made a Kentucky Colonel* believe it or not): “You might be a Canadian if… 23. You know that Canada is the only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.”  (Not that I advocate the violent overthrow of the United States government or anything!)

(*–Which reminds me of another joke whose punchline is, “It’s like the ‘Honorable’ in front of your name, Judge: It don’t mean a thing!”

Which reminds me of a conundrum: If Americans have to call Harlan Sanders “Colonel,” why can’t Canadians call knights “Sir”?!!)

The one about the temperature scale reminded me of the scene in the recent cable movie Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee, when Sitting Bull seeks refuge across the border, and the Mountie says, “I welcome you in the Queen’s name.  But I should warn you, the winters get pretty cold up here – this isn’t Dakota!”

The “Cultural differences” one about Americans, Australians, British, and Canadians is pretty good too, especially:

Brits:   Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Aussies:   Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Americans:   Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.
Canadians:   Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.

Hey, a little perspective is good, eh?  :)

Perky Canada

An oldie from The Onion I just discovered is about one-sixth of the way down the page – spot the highlighted text “Perky ‘Canada'” in the article’s title on this page from Google’s cache.  Very droll.  Most of the rest of the stuff on this page from the ’90s is pretty funny too, especially the one about Windows 2000.  LOL!

“We value your outrage.”

Not simply a lying, “Your call is important to us,” like when you call any other company and all lines are busy, or they’re closed, or whatever.  This message greets callers to Silk Soymilk ([888] 820-9283) after hours.  Very cool.  :)

Arrest Scooter Libby and lock him up!

Please, any U.S. Marshal, or even a police officer or civilian making a citizen’s arrest.  He is a convicted, sentenced Federal criminal out of jail without legal cause.

His purported commutation is null and void because it was NOT a commutation!  He never saw the inside of a prison cell, and hasn’t exhausted his right of appeal.  Instead of a commutation, therefore, it was illegal, unConstitutional, impermissible Presidential interference with the Judicial Branch.  As Bush himself stated, “I made a judgment.”  Unfortunately for him and Scooter, that’s the Judicial Branch’s job, not the Executive Branch… at least under the Constitution.

Of course, this bunch tore up the Constitution on December 12, 2000.  Now we have the Judicial Branch electing Presidents, Presidents “making judgments” and evading instead of executing the laws of the land, Congress reduced to a consultative assembly like in some Arab emirate, Republican House Speakers electing Congressmen, the Vice-President inventing his own Branch of government, and the voters completely excluded!

I won’t believe they’re going till the plane touches down in Crawford on the afternoon of January 20, 2009!  Unless of course they steal another election, and Congress, the Courts, and the people again let it stand, so we’re saddled with another version of the same dictatorial regime for another four, eight, twelve, 200 years!

Go after Gonzales anyway!

Impeach and convict him in Congress so he gets no pension and never again holds “an office of trust or profit under the United States,” like these other Bushies who’ve kept coming and going since the ’60s!!!

Furthermore: “Even my worst days as attorney general have been better than my father’s best days,” Gonzales said.  This shows just how out-of-touch with human beings the man is.  I doubt his father would agree!  AG has been spoiled by money and power and criminality.  Does he have any normal friends left???

Tax Cuts for the Rich on the backs of the Disabled Poor

Political Correctness

See how long it takes you to decode the jargon this website is written in!

Now, I’m a pretty PC dude.  I’m also a little bit of a “mental health consumer,” I may be a “survivor”(?), you might even consider me “mentally ill”: I have Major Depression, Social Anxiety, and who knows what else.  But sometimes PC obscures communication even for me, and I have the equivalent of two Master’s Degrees, a couple years as a caseworker, several years as a journalist, and a lifetime as an aware, reading person!

Some use of PC seeks to improve how people – especially those not involved in whatever industry is being talked about from time to time – think about, or at least speak about, and treat, each other.  But if they don’t have Clue One what you’re referring to in the first place, you’re wasting your breath and their time, and not making any inroads at all… and probably p’ing them off too, which helps no one.

I’d rather PC were called something more common: politeness.  Would that simple politeness were “politically correct”!!!  (Maybe the American people could have their airwaves back, then!)  It’s also nothing new, as much as “conservatives” would have us believe that it is.  Human beings have been opposing being called names probably as long as they’ve had the power of speech!

But please, submit your website to a good technical writer for translation, OK?!

Speaking personally, I AM DISABLED.  I’m not “differently-abled,” or “minority-abled.”  One of the first things alot of people need to know about is me what I can’t be relied upon to do for them, so they don’t expect the impossible of me, disappointing us both.  Maybe I feel this way because most of my Disabilities aren’t “visible,” so people do expect the impossible of me sometimes, even family who should know better!  Maybe it’s different for the “visibly disabled,” when people try to do everything for them and think they’re totally helpless.  But I will defend my right to use language I deem appropriate in my own regard, and their right to do the same.

Speaking of Canadian “visible minorities,” first off, sure, some Aboriginals – Indians (“First Nations”), Inuit, and Metis – aren’t visibly so, because of the traditionally pale skin and/or plain features of some communities; but to call us all White is insulting, OK?  Second and ironically, some of the groups considered “visible” in the pie chart include members who also aren’t visibly so.  This is a case where O Canada sought a more PC term, but it falls short, and confuses.  Technically, for the same reasons, “people of color” as used sometimes in the States may fall short.  So how about “European Canadians,” “Aboriginals of Canada” (though I still think “Indigenous” is better: Metis aren’t aboriginal but are indigenous!), “African Canadians,” “Latin Canadians,” “Asian Canadians”?  Of course, then you run into the question of Other Indigenous of the Americas, not all of whom (like me!) qualify as “Latin” or “of Canada”!  (That’s not so bad though: In Irish Gaelic we still have to be called Red Indians, to differentiate from Asian Indians!! Why not “American Indians”?… “America” in the bi-continental sense, that is!!!  OH it’s so frustrating sometimes!  ;)  )

Life on Mars?

This is the latest Science Daily news release (despite that label, it seems pretty factual) regarding possible hydrogen-peroxide-based microbes,* but this preview from January actually offers more informationThis piece from a year ago seems to present another, non-organic, explanation, but the two theories – Antarctic-style biomass or dust-storm chemical reactions – for the unexpected peroxide, don’t seem mutually exclusive.  However, research reported six years ago favors the organic – life-based – explanation over the non-organic: basically the microbes ate the nutrients over nine weeks, at varying but regular rates of speed, instead of mere chemicals interacting with all of it more-or-less instantaneously.  (The controversial Richard C. Hoagland discussed all this with George Norry on Coast-to-Coast AM Thursday night/Friday morning: scroll down to “Life in Martian Soil” sidebar; audio also available on that page.)

And as a reminder, this is the International Committee Against Mars Sample Return!  I’m Native American, and we’ve been through this once already, OK?!

(*–Does that mean they’re not natural blondes?!!)

Predatory Lending and the “Subprime Mortgage Crisis”

If your MSM aren’t explaining it to you, go here: they nailed it before it broke!*

I’d urge Hightower to run for higher office, if I didn’t think it’d corrupt him!

(*–Before the news broke, that is. Obviously the system broke years ago!)

UPDATE: Oh, I’m sorry.  I didn’t realize non-subscribers don’t have access to the whole piece.  But hey, it just may be the best ten bucks a year you ever invest (nine for seniors and students; what about the poor and disabled?!!).  Plus they’re nonprofit – can’t beat that!

Long story short, the latest “crisis” is about guys who prey on and deceive people who want a home, get them to commit to ridiculous repayment schemes, seize their house, so they’re out on the street anyway, and loads (more) in debt too.  But Jim and Phil tell it so much better and funnier, and with cartoons too!

Indiana State “Honors” Demean, Exploit Native Americans

…for whom, after all, the State is named!

It all smacks of Boy Scout mascotry.  ‘We’ve conquered them, now we can pretend to be them.’

Yes, certain Commonwealth Royals also donned kilts before their most recent infusion of Scots blood, Her Late Majesty Queen Elizabeth The Queen Mother.  The diagnosis in both cases is romanticist nostalgia for a culture nearly genocided by the now-nostalgic, or their ancestors, kinsmen, or those who now benefit from it.

The cure in both cases is to come and MEET us, do right by us, learn genuinely from those of us who are left.

Canada Dabbles with E-voting

DON’T DO IT, EH?  Do you want to go the way of America (even more)?!!!

Men’s Fertility Kits

WARNING ADULT CONTENT:

Maybe I don’t get out enough, but I just saw in a drugstore (Do we even call them drugstores anymore?!!!) a home kit for determining if you produce at least 20 million sperm per milliliter (That’s cubic centimeter or “cc,” for those of us who grew up before the metric system!) of semen, considered by someone the “minimum fertility standard.”  (I am not making this up.)  It also includes two non-spermicidal condoms, I guess for guys who consider masturbation wrong or undesirable, so they can catch a semen sample during intercourse.

Honestly, I didn’t know we could count ‘em without a microscope!  “One… two… three… 20,000,000….”  Just might’ve cured my insomnia!

Actually, what constructive purpose could be served by knowing?  OK, maybe then you’d know you should adopt.  There’s nothing I know of that can boost sperm count, is there?  (Maybe Mountain Dew! “Obey your thirst!” Actually, this is the exact opposite of the Urban Legend… or maybe we can start a new one! You guys OWE ME!!!)  Or get a sperm donor?: ooh, that’s pretty personal for a would-be father.

Or become a monk… it’s a great way to be saved, I hear, honestly – why not focus on it, eh?

I guess it’s only fair, what with home-based pregnancy kits and all.  Take some of the pressure off the woman: after all, it may not be her fault.  Although as one writer in the NY Times Magazine recently shared with us (link may require free registration), it’s possible to put sperm and ovum right next to each other in a petri dish, and still have nothing happen.  (Like many dates! Whatever that means….)  Apparently Desmond Morris was right: some sperm are dumb and some are dumber… or at least have different jobs.  OR maybe the writer’s husband’s sperm didn’t want to cheat on her.  OR maybe it was God’s Will (I say this in all seriousness).  It’s OK: apparently they eventually managed to conceive the traditional way, ie, with alcoholic lubrication!  (It’s in her book title. OK, actually, it’s not. I imagined it. Though I haven’t read the book, so who knows?)

(NB: By “alcoholic lubrication,” I definitely was NOT recommending using any form of alcohol on one’s genitals, or those of one’s partner.  As Frank McCourt’s first love would tell us had she lived, it’s quite painful.  I was merely humourously referring to the oft-joked-about tendency of intoxication to lead to risky behaviour: “HIGH = HIGH RISK”: risk of AIDS, risk of other sexually-transmitted diseases with or without symptoms, risk of pregnancy, risk of ending-up with someone you don’t want to end up with, etc etc etc.  Remember this.)

Supergerms in hospitals

Who knew?!!  DUH!

If hospitals aren’t taking adequate precautions, it sounds like something Yogi Berra would say: If you get sick, the hospital is the last place you’d wanna go!

Or is it caused by those sprays and cleaning fluids that kill “only” 99.9 pct…. leaving the hardest-to-kill 0.1 pct. to reproduce and fill the ecological niche?!!!

More on Global Warming and your “pinpoint forecast”

A while ago I tried to clarify why GW scientists probably have a better grip on the next 2,000 years than the dude with your “backyard forecast.”  But the other day I heard two once-venerable CBS Radio affiliates, once news leaders in their local markets, now pumping out Faux News and the usual theocon “new-stalk,” making like how un-warm it’s been there this summer.  I can’t say where because it wouldn’t be safe to give The Man any idea of my whereabouts, but let’s just say with Col. Sherman T. Potter, USA, HORSEHOCKEY!

Be that as it may, would one less-warm summer mean GW is a hoax?  [George Norry, I used to respect you!]  No, because GW isn’t your “hometown doppler 12 million,” it’s the whole planet’s doppler 6.6 billion (or whatever).  Just like one 45-degree (F) winter day doesn’t take the sting out of the rest of that God-forsaken season, one cool summer in Podunk doesn’t take the sting out of GW for the rest of the world for the rest of now and unto ages of ages if we don’t try and do something about it.  In fact, the North and South Poles are gonna warm a hell of a lot more than the rest of the planet, because of the Earth’s rotation and air and sea currents and such… but we’re still all screwed.  The effects will vary from continent to continent, as already featured on this blog… but they’re trending hotter and drier everywhere ultimately.

What kind of observations would scientifically call GW into valid question?  I’m not a scientist, but how about half a century worldwide not living up to the warnings?

Of course, that doesn’t make for interesting “new stalk radio,” because most of their listeners won’t be here 50 years from now (nor will I, unless the Lord allows my sinning to go on in hopes I’ll repent)!  So they peddle their own fake hype to counter what they like to claim is our hype.  And The Assault on Reason continues….

“How to Talk to Ann Coulter (If You Must)”

“True patriot love”

O Canada, our home and native land,
True patriot love in all thy sons command

–Opening lines of the nation’s National Anthem


The next time you as a U.S.’er hear the Canadian national anthem [as opposed to its Royal Anthem, "God Save The Queen"] at a hockey game or Bluejays or Raptors game, be sure and hear the boldface or underlining under “True.”  The rebels who usurped the 80-pct.-Loyal*  13 Colonies called themselves Patriots, and everyone else traitors.  Now, a patriot is someone who loves his or her country.  One may argue over whether British North Americans’ “country” was the nascent British Empire which sponsored and defended them, or its provinces of New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Virginia, Georgia, or whatever.  But the so-called Patriots loved neither.  They fought for their own “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” – nobody and nothing else … especially anyone who didn’t go along with them.  Maybe most Loyalists stayed, by choice or were unable to afford to leave.  But those who went North, did they set up a similar, narrow, partisan, anti-American state in Canada?  No.  Their only goal, as always, was eventually embodied in three other, older, wiser principles: “Peace, Order, and Good Government.”  This brief discussion of Canadian philosopher John Farthing – I swear that’s his real name – speaks to this too.  The Common Good, the wisdom of the ages, a vote for one’s ancestors, even health care paid for, for those who need it: Then again, maybe it WAS anti-American; “UNamerican,” anyway! ;)Before he died, Canadian-American newsman Peter Jennings – who could nevertheless only bring himself to adopt U.S. citizenship in his final couple years – once offered a poignant image of contrast between his natal and adopted countries, reflecting poorly on the former he thought: If one Mountie stood in front of a crowd surging out of a stadium in Canada, he could stop them in their tracks, whereas no U.S. cop would dream of trying such a feat!  Jennings favored the American ‘free’ spirit and rebelliousness and skepticism … even as he chronicled its sad, tragic results night after night for so many years on TV.  [And they gave him the Order of Canada?!!]  Now, anyone who knows Canadians knows they are far from sheep; in fact, many are more free-spirited and skeptical than many Yanks.  But as someone else pointed out, they don’t pit themselves against their country like the so-called Patriots did; like “true patriots,” they “love” their country, desire to improve it (like “true,” “honourable” Members of the Order of Canada do), don’t worship it ideologically and self-destructively.  If “O Canada … commands … true patriot love,” it’s only because it’s earned it from its people in the first place, not just since 1783 or 1867, but from time immemorial, since “British North America” as an entity, no less than Britain itself, was born on those rainy fields of Great Britain and Ireland millennia ago – a “traditional,” Monarchical system of protective Sovereign, noble persons, and Commons, with no pretense of, but the growing FACT, of “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” for everyone, even eventually the conquered French and Métis in North America with little claim to the sodden soil of those two Isles of the Northeast Atlantic, as well as their “non-conforming” Irish and Scottish co-religionist immigrants and refugees in Canada, and the unconquered, treatied First Nations there.

Critics of Michael Moore’s new HMO-critical documentary SiCKO call Universal Health Care as practiced (diversely) in Canada as well as the UK and France “communist,” but as he points out, its origins have nothing to do with Marx.  At least for Canada and the UK, ‘progressive conservative’ social democracy has more to do with preachers than with Marx.  There’s real “compassionate conservatism”!  In the end, it’s not ideology or “class warfare,” it’s just the Common Good, the wisdom of the ages, “peace, order, and good government,” “a better country” … even what one British columnist has called “the care ethic” to balance the tired, overworked, underpaid, sick, injured-on-the-job “work ethic”!

So please, think some more about what a “true patriot” is, then and now.

(*–That recent NY Times Magazine piece, and most of the propaganda passing for “American history,” make much of the alleged one-third “Neutral” Americans, “neither Patriot nor Loyalist.”  But by anyone’s definition, someone who doesn’t rebel is Loyal, whether they join a Loyalist Regiment, write pro-King [and Country!] pamphlets, or ‘just’ till their farm quietly hoping to stay out of the way.   Anyway, as I’ve said, I believe John Adams’ one-third estimate of “Patriots” was closer to 20 percent in reality, based on my own research … and that he cooked the books, a practice which of course continues in America today.)

UPDATE: Best Place to Live for Global Warming

When I recently calculated that parts of San Luis Obispo and Santa Barbara Counties near the California coast were the best places to live amid GW for now, I neglected to factor-in water resources.  Those places are going to get mighty drier, mighty fast.

I now favor the cooler and wetter side of the San Francisco Bay Area… for now.  But not right on the Bay or ocean, of course.  And forget Silicon Valley: long-term, it’ll be flooded by rising sea levels.  [Earthquakes?  Pshaw!]

I liked Tasmania and New Zealand, but recently heard they’re going to get substantially drier too.  (Though NZ is marketing itself to Europeans afraid of the coming Little Ice Age in a century or two!!)  Quito, Ecuador and Caracas, Venezuela [Viva Chavez!] actually look nice longer-term, but climatologically they’re pin-points, and won’t hold enough people to be significant longest-term.  Of course, no place will!

The problem with the California coast, of course, is that when my new Nice Zone creeps northward over time, it’ll bump into the oldest residents of that region, the redwoods.  Some tough choices will have to be made when that time comes.  Not unlike having to go back to some more coal and nuclear when oil and natural gas run out… if we have enough of the latter to provide the time we’ll need to ramp-up the former… (hopefully temporarily) compromising anti-GW efforts and global peace and security, respectively.  Of course, as I’ve said, GW is our worst chronic global problem, very-long-term; Peak Oil, Third World “dirty” industrialization* and the bad First World diet already coming with it, and the (hopefully) temporarily-shrinking magnetic field of the planet, are IMHO worse acute problems, much-shorter-term.

[*--'Chinese Communism: Screwing Workers and "the People" Just Like The Man!']

Alli

Alli

Donde?

En el baño, si tenga suerte!

(Just a little highlighting of the latest translingual marketing gaffe… in this case, for the latest diarrhea pill for the overweight!  “Alli” happens to mean “there” in Spanish.  “Where?”  “In the bathroom, if you’re lucky!”  [No upside-down punctuation available in WordPress!])

Cingular is NOT the new AT&T

SBC bought what was left of the original AT&T (“Ma Bell”),  and changed its own name to the better-known AT&T.  (This has happened in the past, where a lesser-known entity has bought a better-known one, or a smaller bought a bigger, in either case adopting the name and/or logos of the bought entity.)

Cingular was formerly a joint venture of SBC and BellSouth, which itself (ie, Cingular) at one point acquired AT&T Wireless, but only became branded itself as something like AT&T when SBC bought BellSouth and what was left of the old AT&T, and adopted the latter’s name.

Long story short, there’s alot more to “the new AT&T” than just the former Cingular.  Why the former SBC is focusing so much on the former Cingular (ie, cellular service) in marketing is beyond me!

If various Wikipedia articles have it wrong, your mileage may vary….

I will say this: In my more skeptical moments over the years I have doubted that the old AT&T was actually broken-up in the ’80s… paradoxically, a decision I mostly opposed.  But again if Wikipedia has it right, in fact it was, and although superficially it appears to have been substantially re-assembled as the whole “new AT&T,” there have been alot of spin-offs, as well as surviving new startups, in the former’s ‘semantic field.’

Are the American people better off?  Folks point to the telecommunications ‘revolution’ that has occurred in the last 25 years.  Would it not have taken place, or be as far along as it is today, if we had been allowed to keep the economy, convenience, and relative accountability of Ma Bell?  (Would THAT be a good thing or a bad thing?!!)  The scientists at the original AT&T were pretty smart dudes and dudettes, after all.  Also, at least one of the articles alleges post-breakup AT&T’s venture into computer science, the real driver of the ‘revolution,’ was ill-fated; IOW, it was other people anyway!

So what do we really have today in old AT&T’s place?: a miasma of fragmentary-seeming names and corporations, phone-service pricing that seems to be completely arbitrary (“whatever the market will bear”… or can be tricked into bearing), little or no regulation or true accountability, tons of money poured into duplicating many times over what most sensibly should be a single top-quality network of telephonic hardware (After all, the shortest distance between any two points is still one straight line!), increased unreliability, decreased sound quality, zillions of seemingly fly-by-night businesses and services and products, tons of OUR money poured into lobbying Washington against the public interest and only in the interest of corporate fat-cats, etc. etc. etc.

Of course, this was all brought to you largely by the Reagan-Bush-Clinton-Bush/Cheney pro-business, anti-people ‘revolution’ of the last 27 years (brought to us all by Iran/Contra/October-Surprise)….

I say, Restore State sovereignty over corporations and business!

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